“We should buy a rug,” she says to me. “It could make this place feel more like its our own.” “Honey, do you think we should get a rug?” “Hello?” “What?” “I said we should get a rug.” “Oh. Sure. That could be nice.” I can’t bear to tell her what I’m really thinking. Lately, I haven’t felt much. That’s the problem. I stopped feeling love, even for her. I hate that. I’m not in love with another woman. I would never do that. I just feel…nothing. I haven’t been me. It’s been about 3 months since I’ve felt like myself. She doesn’t deserve someone who doesn’t love her. She puts too much love into everything she does to not get any back. I will fake it until I feel it again. “Ara,” I say. “Let’s go buy a rug.” As we get in the car and pull out of the driveway, I look over at her. She’s beautiful, but her beauty doesn’t move me like it used to. That’s what used to define me. Feeling love was everything to me. Movies moved me. Books moved me. Music moved me. Most importantly though, she moved me. Not anymore. Why? “I love days like this,” says Ara as she grabs my hand. “I feel like we’re on vacation every Saturday after noon, like the world is ours. We can buy as many rugs as we want. We can lay on the couch and watch tv.” She goes on laughing as she talks. The laugh that made me fall more in love with her when we were dating. She always laughed at everything I said. I felt like I was the funniest man in the world. Ara can always make you feel like you’re on top of the world. “Want me to turn on some music?” I’ll try about anything to get myself to feel again. Ara shakes her head yes, leans back in her seat, and closes her eyes. When she closes them, I miss the sea blue eyes. And I know I’ve always been and always will be in love.
themusicalman22 